This Spring Mix-Tape is overdue. I have been working at it on and off for about two months. I kept getting "mixer's-block." (it's a real thing) and would simply abandon it for a while, hoping that some sort of inspiration would strike the next time I picked it up again. Only it never really did. I had compiled a list of great "Spring" sounding tunes which I was certain would fit together and feel like the way I wanted to express the coming season. Only it didn't.
Winter usually bums me out pretty hard and this past season has been no exception. The thing I usually enjoy most about Spring is that it feels like I'm waking back up. Coming back to life. A trite analogy, I admit, but it holds true regardless. However I don't seem to be hitting the upswing like I normally would. The weather is starting to turn around but I am not following suit. I remain feeling reclusive and complacent while the world continues to bloom all around me. (I am aware I sound like an advert for Zoloft.) There is nothing particularly "wrong" with me. There is no great "life event" that I am preoccupied with, nor is there anything beyond daily responsibilities like work and home preventing me from being more present or social. And still I am tired or sad or apathetic or any number of feelings. And unfortunately, simply recognize these things does not free me from these bonds, these feelings, which hold me here. I tell you it is wildly frustrating to be able to see the good all around you and not feel like you can be any part of it.
I now realize that this is the reason I was not been able to complete this Mix-Tape. I kept trying to force it to sound like I knew it "should" sound. The way I would prefer it to sound. The way others might expect it to sound from me. But ultimately not the truth. I got maybe three songs in and kept hitting a wall. They were bright and cheery and full of energy. All the things I knew it was time for. But every time I tried to move forward from there I couldn't seem to take the next step.
It wasn't until I took the whole thing apart and began to include the songs that I had actively been hitting re-play on that it actually started to come together. It now plays out much truer to what I am personally experiencing.
There are bright, high notes. Beautiful moments of inspiration and aspiration. Joyous melodies, radiant and carefree. There are reflections of feeling lonesome and inconsequential. Languid lyrics disguised by bits of bubbling, effervescent pop. The recognition of responsibility for my behavior and its effects on those who care about me. Soaring orchestral highs, panicked and sharp, paired with desperate, pleading pacing. The thoughts of helplessness and frustration that come from not being able to change those feelings and actions despite my acknowledgment of them. Lush and gorgeous arrangements, soft and full like a down blanket that now tangles around my limbs and holds me still in my place.
I know this seems perhaps a bit weighty for a silly Mix-Tape but I am not stellar at expressing myself and I rely heavily on music to communicate feelings I may not otherwise be able to. So for those who know me this may make a bit more sense. Tracks five, six, seven and eight are when it really gets down to it. Ten and thirteen are absolute standouts and track 11 is of particular importance to me.
I hope you enjoy this effort. I hope you can connect with something on this playlist and that it helps you in some way. Mostly, I hope this Mix-Tape helps me connect in some way.
StereoType Presents:
Fortune Telling.
Download via DropBox
